Be In It
I did and didn’t mean to take so much time away from here. With ever growing lists of projects and ever dwindling amounts of time, I can rarely fit in everything I want to do. I’m sure you can relate. It’s constant back and forth, and I’m always standing ankle deep in the sloshing water as the tides come and go. I keep telling myself that it would make sense to focus on just one or two things. So, for a few weeks I did.
And then we went on vacation.
We filled our time with almost everything summer and vacation-y that we could have hoped for. S’mores with home made marshmallows and home made graham crackers. Dropping everything to go watch the sun set. Swimming and hiking, jumping into water so cold it was hard to breathe, and eating as many wild blueberries as we could find. Reveling in the company of friends from nearby and far away. Playing, eating, and catching up with family we see only once a year as well as family we see often. Watching the mountains and sky and lake change from day to day. Kayaking with a two year old and with a pair of loons, but not at the same time. Trying, often unsuccessfully, to get Amos to take naps. Blowing motor boat bubbles and making sand cakes. Disconnecting from work, email, phones. Reading as many books as we could.
And now I’m back to trying to prioritize one project or another or none at all because naps are still hard and time is short and full, as always. I’m figuring out how to work at my desk while Amos colors or fills his toy truck with playing cards, or runs around picking up cloth napkins and wooden balls with kitchen tongs. I am wondering how to find fulfillment and whether what I am doing matters at all. I worry about this blog and if I am writing anything worthwhile and how I can make it better.
My plan, for now, it to keep going. To feel the shifting sands, the pull of the water one way and another, to let the seaweed swirl around my ankles and just be in it.